What Happened To My Life?

Since my last post, my husband and I filed for legal separation and I moved thirty four hours away from him all the way back to North Carolina. Do you know what I realized only once I was THIRTY FOUR hours away from him? I miss him. I love him. I do NOT want a divorce. I do NOT want to move on or try to lead separate lives. I want to figure out what my part was in contributing to where we are. I want to fix this! Why did I have to move to figure that out? Any guesses? It probably has something to do with being INCREDIBLY pig headed. (Also, I do in fact realize I am using a lot of caps but it is helping me express myself! So deal!) I am in the process of trying to get enrolled in a Phlebotomy Course through Sandhills Community College and it is my very sincere hope that by the time I have graduated from the course (December) that my husband will miss me as much as I miss him and tell me he wants me to come home. However, for now this is a decision he and I have to live with the consequences. I don't think I will look at this as a consequence though. I truly did not think this would be difficult yet here I am! If nothing else this is forcing me to work on myself so I can become the type of wife that a husband wants and deserves. This time apart is also forcing us to communicate better. We have actually been talking more in the last two weeks since I moved then we did in the several months before. I am looking forward to the next time we talk. It is my desire that my husband becomes my best friend. We never really got both feet on the ground because of the way our marriage started. Better late then never though right? (Quick aside on how we met: We met January 14, 2010....went on our first date January 16, 2010....got married January 23, 2010...got pregnant January 28, 2010....found out we were pregnant February 14, 2010...hung out for the FIRST time sober February 14, 2010....seeing how we had a difficult start to our marriage??? By the way, we didn't want kids for at least 3-5 years! When our first child was 4 months old we found out I was pregnant AGAIN and yes we do know about birth control- just shutup! I was on birth control both times. Our daughters are 12 months 17 days apart. I'm just Fertile Murtle apparently. OH, on the note of babies, another issue we faced was that I ended up getting pregnant again and miscarried the day we moved to Idaho several months ago thanks to the lovely copper IUD {now removed}so we have had lots of bumps along our marriage's road but I am now committed to steam rolling through them.)  <--- that ended up not being "quick". Sorry about that. I say sorry to my "general" following haha seeing as I have no following. So this is all really just like a public diary for me. Mostly because (sad to say) I type so much that my hand now cramps when I write for any length of time. Totally pathetic I know. Well, if anyone does, in fact, end up reading this, please be praying for our little family to get our crap together! ;)