3 Minutes of Horrible.

My girls room still have boxes in their room's closet. Unfortunately, the closet door doesn't shut. My older daughter, Lilah, is in a toddler bed and loves to go exploring at night. Yesterday during the girls' naptime, Lilah took it upon herself to take out all the boxes and dump them out. She then decided to throw anything uninteresting into Cecelia's crib. 


Shortly after that, I heard a little bit of movement over the monitor and went to get the girls out of bed. Sure, the mess was annoying but no big deal really. I made Cecelia a bottle and sat down to give it to her while Lilah played with some toys. As soon as Cecelia swallowed some formula, she began to choke. Which didn't really phase me to be honest. She "chokes" on her formula all the time from swallowing too fast. So I just sat her up and patted her back. 


However, this time, she didn't just cough and reach for her bottle again. She just kept trying to gag, or cough, or breath. To do anything. So my CPR training kicked in and I flipped her over, patting her back and then alternately trying to clear her airway with my finger. My finger wasn't long enough to feel anything. I started screaming for my husband who was downstairs. He didn't respond so as I kept hitting her back I ran down stairs yelling, "She's not breathing!" over and over. He grabbed her and tried hitting her back more and then put his finger in her mouth. Finally she threw up and out came a hard piece of royal blue hard plastic. Roughly, the size of a quarter. She kept throwing up but now it was tinged with blood. Finally, she stopped and started crying. 


I have never been SO happy to hear one of my babies cry. We took her to the ER for X Rays to make sure a piece hadn't aspirated into her lungs. She was fine and her throat was no longer actively bleeding. The doctor said we did everything right. 

It was the worst, most terrifying three minutes of my life. That feeling will stay in my mind forever, I just hope I never experience something that triggers it again. 


Now I have to work on my husband's feelings of blame pointed at me then it can all be behind me. Being able to say that on a blog no one follows is nice. It means I can put my feelings "out there" but not truly have any negative repercussions from it.